he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
