i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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