I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
