around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
