My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
