How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
