My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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