Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i've created a new STD.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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