How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
