Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
