Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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