why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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