i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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