Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
