i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
