Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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