My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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