idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
