Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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