that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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