I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
