If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
