instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
