i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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