You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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