We won't sleep together?
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
