so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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