we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
