two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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