i love accidental penises.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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