thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
