Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize