the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
