he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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