I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
