I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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