Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
