please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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