So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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