why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
