Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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