i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
