I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
