This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
and you fell through a lawn chair
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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