I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
