I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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