I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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