it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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