Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
my poor anus
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
