Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
