the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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