We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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