he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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