Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
