4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We don't watch enough power rangers
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
