so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
