so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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