did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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