Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
