Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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