how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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