I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
