I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
