kristin has been a bad kristin
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
