I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize