I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
