people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
