That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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