This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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