I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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