Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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