A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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